


bend rather than break

by thisissirius



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 08:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9170194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “We could just let Leyla do it,” Aaron says, the first time Robert brings up wedding planning.wedding planning, misunderstandings and compromises





	

**Author's Note:**

> for [scrapyardboyfriends](http://scrapyardboyfriends.tumblr.com) as part of the robron holiday exchange. i hope this is what you wanted from that prompt. <3

“We could just let Leyla do it,” Aaron says, the first time Robert brings up wedding planning.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to do it, it’s just that he doesn’t want to do it.

Marrying Robert’s felt like such an impossible dream that the reality of it is still taking time to sink in. It was hard enough convincing himself that Robert loved him half the time, _liked_ him the rest. Now it’s real, something tangible he can physically touch, and does frequently every time he spins the ring on his finger. Aaron’s not aware that he’s doing it; he’ll catch himself, force himself to stop, even if there’s a quiet thrill every time he sees the band of silver.

Planning the wedding, though, that’s not something he really wants to get involved in.

“No,” Robert says, vetoing the suggestion immediately. He gets this look on his face, one Aaron knows well. It’s the face he gets when he’s thinking about Chrissie and _before_. It’s a mixture of regret, self-hatred and guilt. Aaron hates it, mostly because these days he does everything he can to make sure Robert’s happy, that he smiles, but there’s also a part of him that resents Robert ever had Chrissie, that she’s something they have to bring up. Except. Except they _don_ _’t_.

Aaron shrugs, leaning on the back of the chair, and directs Robert’s attention away from his ex-wife. “So you plan it then.”

Robert’s eyes shutter, another tell-tale sign that Aaron knows. He goes back to his paper in silence and Aaron bites back on an angry retort. Robert wants him to get involved, but Aaron doesn’t know how to say _I don_ _’t know if this is what you really want_ or _what if you change your mind_ , or even _just run away with me tomorrow and we_ _’ll do it then_.

He knows they can’t. They have family (his mum’s excited, even Liv’s making noises about clothing choices and isn’t _that_ weird enough) and Aaron knows that Robert wants to show him off, make a spectacle of everything. It rubs him a little that Robert still wants that stuff, that he’s not happy to just do it quietly. Still. They’re getting married; compromise is key, or whatever it is his mum keeps telling him.

 

 

 

Aaron tries to get invested.

As much as he doesn’t want to, he makes suggestions about the food (Vic and Marlon are obviously on call, neither Aaron nor Robert want to _try_ suggesting alternative catering), the venue (the church, because where else?) and even the fucking _flower_ choices (Aaron really doesn’t care). Robert smiles, eyes crinkling in the corners in the way he does when he’s happy and nods along, agrees easily with Aaron’s choices.

“You honestly don’t wanna change any of these?” Aaron says, staring down at the list like it’s personally offended him. It’s _his_ list.

Robert shakes his head, leans back in his chair, eyes on Aaron. His lips quirking up again. “Nope. If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll have.”

Something about it grates on Aaron, but he can’t pinpoint why.

 

 

 

Adam’s making noises about a joint stag do, and Aaron agrees automatically. _I don_ _’t actually know who that is_ , Robert said once, when Aaron brought up best friends _._ It hurts a little that Robert doesn’t have any friends; Aaron knows why, he _does_ , but that doesn’t mean he can’t wish it was different. He wants Robert to be happy, for him to have other people he can turn to besides Aaron. He can’t make that happen right away, but he can help.

“You’re alright with a joint stag do, right?” Aaron asks later that night, because he didn’t ask.

Robert frowns. “Yeah, course it is. Why?”

“Because I didn’t ask,” Aaron says slowly, like it should be obvious. “I shouldn’t be making choices for ya.”

“It’s fine," Robert says, with that same smile, the one that says _I love you_ and _okay_ and just makes Aaron want to smack him.

 _It’s not fine_. Aaron can’t make himself say the words, just lets Robert curl against him in bed, feels the brush of Robert’s hair against his chin and wishes his chest didn’t ache quite to much.

 

 

 

Aaron’s flicking through the channels, trying to find something to watch that isn’t a repeat.

He and Robert have the house to themselves for a change, and Robert’s busy making a tea in the kitchen. Aaron looks over, watches the brush of fabric tighten over Robert’s shoulders as he works, the ease of his movements, the smile on his face.

“I was thinking,” Aaron says, a test because he can’t leave it alone. “What do you think about Ibiza for the honeymoon?”

He does it deliberately, because he knows it’ll get a rise out of Robert. Robert hates it, thinks it’s tacky and it’s the only way Aaron’ll know for sure if Robert’s choosing things Aaron wants because he wants them too, or because he’s just going along with stuff.

Robert turns to him, looking like he wants to say _no_ , but then just shrugs. “That’s where you want, really?”

“Obviously,” Aaron says, grip tightening on the control. “Otherwise I wouldn’t say it.”

Turning to stir the milk into the tea, Aaron can see the tension in Robert’s body but then he just shrugs, gives Aaron that smile that he hates so much. “Yeah, okay. Sounds great. Whatever makes you happy.”

“I’d be happier if you’d make a fucking choice,” Aaron says, and storms out of the room before Robert can say another word.

 

 

 

Robert’s still in the back room when Aaron returns, because he’s trying to fix that part of them.

Aaron knows he needs to work on it, to not keep running when he could just _talk_ to Robert, but it’s hard sometimes to make himself stay.

“Aaron,” Robert starts, standing awkwardly next to the sofa. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you even know what you’re apologising for?” It’s harsh, has an edge that makes Robert flinch.

“You think I’m not invested in this wedding, right?”

Aaron doesn’t know what to say to that, so looks anywhere but at Robert’s face. His jaw clenches, knows it’s that one tell that Robert picks up on over anything else. “If ya don’t wanna get married,” Aaron starts.

“Of course I do,” Robert snaps, quick and harsh. “Aaron, you _know_ I do.”

“’Cept I don’t,” Aaron admits, because in his heart of hearts he can’t help but think it. He wants to believe that Robert does, wants to look at Robert and just _know_ that he’s telling the truth. He thinks they’ll get there, eventually. He trusts Robert, loves him more than he thought he was capable of loving someone, but their trust is a fragile thing. Aaron trusts Robert with his life, he’s just scared of trusting him so much with his heart.

“Is this because I won’t choose anything for the wedding?” Robert asks, and it’s stupid when Aaron hears it out loud, but something on Robert’s face seems to crumple when Aaron looks. It’s heartbreaking and Aaron wants to fix it, except he doesn’t know how. “Aaron,” Robert continues, taking a step forward and then hesitating. “I just want you to be happy. I don’t — I don’t care what happens. We could have the wedding in the bloody barn for all I care. I just wanna marry you. I want _forever_ with you.”

Aaron stares at Robert, not sure what to say, what to _do._

Robert takes another step forward and another. “I’ll make more choices.” His voice is low, quiet, his face apprehensive. Aaron reaches out before Robert even gets there and then they’re pressed together, Aaron’s hands around the back of Robert’s neck, Robert’s fingers pressing into the dips of Aaron’s hips. “If you were thinking about stuff it meant _you_ wanted this, that you cared about getting married.”

Sometimes Aaron forgets that Robert’s got just as many insecurities as he does. He leans in, kisses Robert softly. “Of course I want this. I wanna believe you do.”

It must hurt, Aaron knows that, but Robert doesn’t show it. He just looks at Aaron the same way he always does; a mix of gratitude, love, and disbelief.

Robert touches their foreheads together, lifts a hand to Aaron’s face. “I’ll tell you every day if I have to,” he says eventually, a smile curving at his mouth. “One day maybe you’ll believe me.”

“If I don’t?” Aaron asks, even if he doesn’t really want to.

“It won’t matter,” Robert admits. “I love you, Aaron, and I’ll do whatever I need to to make sure you know it.”

Aaron kisses him again, because his throat sticks on the words he wants to say.

 

 

 

“So who’s your best man?” Liv asks around a mouthful of food.

The New Year is shifting into that awkward bank holiday period where everybody’s too tired and food-full from the holidays to really push themselves at work and school. Liv’s back to school, but she’s still in her pyjamas, one foot up against Robert’s thigh as she shovels in the Lucky Charms Aaron knows Robert pays a ridiculous amount for but still gets anyway. She’ll miss her bus, Aaron thinks, staring at his watch, but knows Robert will offer to drive her to school.

“Not you if you don’t finish your breakfast,” Robert says, without looking up from his paper. It’s one of the little things Aaron’s taken to cataloguing, the ones he loves best. Always must have a cup of tea, his paper, and two slices of toast at the breakfast table.

Aaron snorts, runs a thumb over his ring. “Adam,” he says without question.

Liv hums thoughtfully, toes digging into Robert’s thigh as she stretches. “I guess that leaves nobody for you,” she says, but not nastily enough that Aaron chastises her.

Thankfully, Robert only looks amused when he lowers the paper. “Maybe I’ll pick you, eh?”

Something flashes on Liv’s face. Excitment, Aaron’s sure, but it’s gone soon enough. “Yeah, whatever. Bet you’ll pick someone lame.”

Robert flicks his eyes to Aaron and they share an amused look. Aaron feels happy that they’re getting on, that he gets to have this with them, this family unit. It feels like too much and not enough.

“Right,” Aaron says, when the silence drags, neither Robert nor Liv say anything else. Aaron can see the look on Robert’s face, though. It’s thoughtful, considering, and Aaron’s sure that before they climb into bed that night, Robert’ll whisper, _I_ _’m gonna choose Liv,_ because he’s a giant softy at heart. “Get ready for school, you.”

Liv sighs dramatically, but slides her foot to the floor and takes her bowl to the sink. “Fine, but I’ll miss the bus. Rob, can you—”

“Yeah,” Rob says, because he’s expecting it.

When Liv’s disappeared upstairs, Aaron grins. “See? Was that so hard?”

Robert’s eyes soften, his mouth quirking up. “What, agreeing to drive her?”

“Shut up,” Aaron says automatically. “You know what I mean.”

Robert’s fingers slide across the table, his index finger running along the silver band Aaron can’t stop touching. “I do want you to be happy,” he says, slowly. “I still wouldn’t change anything you’ve chosen.”

“But?” Aaron asks, because he knows Robert.

“But,” Robert repeats, smirk evident. “I’d rather you change your suit colour to _blue_.”

Aaron snorts, because he’s already considering that, but he doesn’t want to tell Robert. There’s no time for them to do anything; Liv’s already stomping around her bedroom and there’s the threat of his mum or Charity walking in at any minute. That doesn’t stop him leaning in, licking his lips a little because he knows Robert will follow with his eyes, will press himself forward like he just can’t help it. “Thought it didn’t matter what colour the suit was.”

“Doesn’t,” Robert says, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips. “I’m just _suggesting_ that blue is a better colour on you.”

They kiss again, a little more heated, a little more loving. 

Robert ruins it, though, when he pulls away, grin in full force. "There's also no way we're honeymooning in Ibiza."


End file.
